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| hello i am big face weiwei ! |
But i know , the game doesn't play it this way . This is how we go through "life".
In my life , i might be protected very well and might not be going through some big storms like people do. Maybe i did , but i didn't really take those as storms .Or because i didn't want to face it . When heavy blow strikes, humans, sometimes choose not to believe it - no matter how mentally strong the person is.
Recently, i have learnt quite a lot of things.
LESSON 1 DETACHED
We need to accept 'leaving' . People come and go in your life. Can you recall your tadika school mates and all your primary schoolmates? We don't. We can't. I have even forgotten some of my secondary school classmates. Who did i have the same tuition with back then ? But still, memorable people still do stay in your memory, isn't it ? I remember my exs, my best friends during secondary school and still are now , the gang who i always talked rubbish with. We might not contact each other often and most likely we do not notice that they are actually leaving our lives so that we do not feel sad over it .
My grandma has passed away and yes she is leaving me forever. I won't be able to see her and listen to her weird topics anymore. She's not going to give me ang pau this Chinese New Year or asking me to call Mcdelivery. She wouldn't brag that she can eat very fast anymore. But somehow..she's not leaving. She's in my memory.. doesn't she ?
My favourite boy left me for good . I do miss him so very much all the time. Everytime when he appears in my memory whenever i pass by some special venues , i ask myself not to think about him. He's gone and will never come back. I miss all the moments we had . I miss the time even if we were so upset with each other but we did not give each other up. But now i need to force myself not to think , i must force myself to have him to leave my world. " He didn't love me enough to accept my bad points..true love isn't like this..he's using brain to pick a girl..not feeling..he keeps on breaking promises with me..."Somehow, he's still in the world having his own life, but he is already long gone in my world ..isn't it ?
I do not like people to leave me just like that. One of my favourite friendshere..the gay pedo in UTAR also transferred to another uni. or simply.. i do not like people to leave me first. I am selfish.
No matter what..we still need to accept what we do not like because we have no choice. I don't like to accept these anymore - so it's better off having not much attachment , so there will be less detachment for me to bear :)
Lesson 2 Low on EQ
Meowww
(It was eye liner...yeah i was bored. )
I wasn't used to tell people about my feelings or anything that happened on me . I would only tell people generally on what happened like "yeahh i broke up.." without any story telling. I do not like to expose my feeling to people , be it my boyfriend or my mom. The most i did for my feeling is by blogging - which normally only happened when the storm has passed. I do tell 3 friends about what i feel to ease my level of depressions because i know i will have some serious syndromes if i don't.
Soon, i was so getting used to vent my emotion on the internet. It wasn't good and i notice it and still on my way to get rid of it . Sometimes i will just pick a chatbox of someone and vent it there. This sounds very silly and childish but it really helps sometimes.
My emotion quotient is real low . EQ at work is high , but when i am not working on something, i am so dead. I am 'dangerous'. Over the years, i know this has been improved but still not good enough. When i am forced for something in a hard way ,i will get down again. The difference between now and before is the matter of time - how soon i can pick myself up again :(
It was many many months during secondary school , 1 year+ for an incident which haunts me so much and 20days now
I hope i can be okay . I know i am on my way. It's alright to trip a little.
#just a post for thoughts sharing :)
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