For everyone i meet , i think how will my life be if each of you didn't exist in my world.

I will have never been to some places if it wasn't you ;
I will not meet some new friends or have some new gangs / be invovled ;
I will not know B if there isn't A ;
I will not start up LEO club and form a new team , and this is how each of us know each other better;
I will not have relationship with someone if you haven't introduced us ;
if there weren't you and you , i will not learn to be independent or care a little lesser (in a bad way lol)

I appreciate the existence of many people
most of the people would not care..
and the more saddening as it sounds..
Some people left after creating bonding
or being kicked away by the group he/she formed

Some people brought us all together and we took him/her for granted
did we ever feel thankful?

In UTAR
Wee Sheng brought me to the group
Kelly fetched all of us to Pavillion in the first semester
Ly heng gathered all the group together ( although always forgot me ;P )
Mr Yeoh's french class brought the gays together
Professional ethics this subjects lets me know about some new friends today

We always overlooked little tiny thing.

The worst of all , we sometime...forgot who started the ''attachment", which we call it as

Friendship.

Positive weekend :)

 

Hello !
When i got really frustrated doing research on the web , i got a getaway for myself :)
Uhmm yeah , this makes me unable to finish my tutorial again :P

Back to JB on Thursday
Went to Batu Pahat on Friday with dad and mom
Dad had a work there so yeahh
mom and i went for shopping :)

The temple is really big and pretty :))
Lazy to upload more yeahhh that's all
haha

Went makan also hmm

jalan jalan in Square one , carrefour and Batu Pahat Mall

This one mana mana pun ada , but batu pahat one is way bigger and fresher than jb. why?

Nothing much to get uhmmmm

so i got myself a pretty pair of shoes :)

A fruit juice lol

oh my dog wanna say hi !

doggie and doggie toy 

*random*

Saturday was kind of boring
thanks jeff for the day !

Yes my favourite at jamming area

where no one wants to bring me go !!

MACO

Hokkaido coffee is niceeee

Bull shit guy

This is really nice
NICEE
AND NICEEEE
OMG

hahahahahha my favourite drink now
ice drip coffee
it's better than starbucks or whatever
i swear
;)

Then i went KSL city today and got two bags back

hahaha

had also a new tea hmmm

dono what is the name already

quite pek cek also..

i saw it wrote in chinese 莱姆

then i asked the girl..what is that

the girl said..it tastes sour

then i said okayyy give me one regular

in the end ...

tates nothing special also...

okay

莱姆 = lime

wth..

=.=

Pretty

Nails <3

I am gonna dress up myself pretty pretty

make myself pretty pretty

and live pretty pretty

for the pretty pretty me !

#gotta live for myself

Being single is actually nice in a way

:))

lalala

Went Batu Pahat 

Jalan Jalan Makan Makan

Went to a pretty temple also

Lazy to upload pichas nehhh

haha.

randommmm

the moment when your mom ripped your dad's wallet for a branded bag and you have none because your CR is not having any offer, then you feel the urge to get even ._.

Then i got this 

Say hi to Black roses !

:D

#Dad was frustrated because it was so damn hard for me to get something to my liking. haha. He said yan guang tai gao.

Outing

Recently i do not check in , i do not show people my whereabout and do not really use my phone to connect to the WIFI whenever i entered the cafes and do not Facebook during dining. I don't really upload photos when i am eating pretty pretty food etc.

Yeah . Because of him . Still.

He asked me before , what do i think about checking ins .

Today, i saw this in popular .

I do not need this but uhm i bought this.

Simply because the girl is smiling so happily until i hope one day i can be like her

anyway since i bought it, i will make a good use of 'her' 

:))

I went to Festival City with Shuwei and Poh Yee just now

erm it was a shopping place for both of them but not me

but it was a place of memory...

anyway

i still went along haha

i went for shopping alone after reaching there yeahhh

They didn't really will ask me for outing unless i was there :P

more of like 'shunbian' hahaha.

it was my second time going out with them lol

Shuwei is like keep on blah-ing when she sees poh yee ._.

Last time in Midvalley it wasn't like this also

lol.

I don't know why this semester ..after the holidays

it was like

Shuwei and Yongwei have more stuff to tell to each other

Ee xuen and shu wei also got more secrets to tell to each other

Ly heng, spencer ( my old gang ) and kerou suddenly become so close to each other and im out

Wee sheng that gang also became very close with ly heng

or because i am becoming less and less naughty, outgoing and talkative

.__.

but..just let it be.

haha i don't mind

:))

 

Went Nichii and tried out a few dresses and blouses

I kinda like the design of this

The wavy part couldn't be seen clearly here hmm

RM89.90 , tapi got 50% discount !

i wanted to buy this but shu wei said that i looked short with this on 

and also asked me to look for others ..

so..

:(

I saw looney tunes booth and i went for it ._.

it is an ice cream stall ._.

RM 6.90 for one scoop  ._.

.__.

Shuwei said i have no resistance for cute stuff lol.

The ice cream seller was really cute !

Keep on giving me BIG BIG spoon of ice cream to test

hahaha

Anyway

Their durian ice cream was really , really , like seriously , super duper nice.

hahahaha.

right i still have a lot of tutorials to catch up ..

it's just..

week 2. 

:(

:))

Blogging actually helps in arranging my thoughts. We need to think and reflect to improve.

hello i am big face weiwei !

There are times i really wish that i can simply hit a restart button in my life . That i can make a better choice , think properly before every action and so on . Back to the time when my ah ma was still with me so that i get to treat her better , back to the time i met the guys that i loved , back to all the happy moments.

But i know , the game doesn't play it this way . This is how we go through "life".

In my life , i might be protected very well and might not be going through some big storms like people do. Maybe i did , but i didn't really take those as storms .Or because i didn't want to face it . When heavy blow strikes, humans, sometimes choose not to believe it - no matter how mentally strong the person is.

Recently, i have learnt quite a lot of things.

LESSON 1 DETACHED

We need to accept 'leaving' . People come and go in your life. Can you recall your tadika school mates and all your primary schoolmates? We don't. We can't. I have even forgotten some of my secondary school classmates. Who did i have the same tuition with back then ? But still, memorable people still do stay in your memory, isn't it ? I remember my exs, my best friends during secondary school and still are now , the gang who i always talked rubbish with. We might not contact each other often and most likely we do not notice that they are actually leaving our lives so that we do not feel sad over it .

My grandma has passed away and yes she is leaving me forever. I won't be able to see her and listen to her weird topics anymore. She's not going to give me ang pau this Chinese New Year or asking me to call Mcdelivery. She wouldn't brag that she can eat very fast anymore. But somehow..she's not leaving. She's in my memory.. doesn't she ? 

My favourite boy left me for good . I do miss him so very much all the time. Everytime when he appears in my memory whenever i pass by some special venues , i ask myself not to think about him. He's gone and will never come back. I miss all the moments we had . I miss the time even if we were so upset with each other but we did not give each other up. But now i need to force myself not to think , i must force myself to have him to leave my world. " He didn't love me enough to accept my bad points..true love isn't like this..he's using brain to pick a girl..not feeling..he keeps on breaking promises with me..."Somehow, he's still in the world having his own life, but he is already long gone in my world ..isn't it ?

I do not like people to leave me just like that. One of my favourite friendshere..the gay pedo in UTAR also transferred to another uni. or simply.. i do not like people to leave me first. I am selfish.

No matter what..we still need to accept what we do not like because we have no choice. I don't like to accept these anymore - so it's better off having not much attachment , so there will be less detachment for me to bear :)

Lesson 2 Low on EQ

Meowww

(It was eye liner...yeah i was bored. ) 

I wasn't used to tell people about my feelings or anything that happened on me . I would only tell people generally on what happened like "yeahh i broke up.." without any story telling. I do not like to expose my feeling to people , be it my boyfriend or my mom. The most i did for my feeling is by blogging - which normally only happened when the storm has passed. I do tell 3 friends about what i feel to ease my level of depressions because i know i will have some serious syndromes if i don't.

Soon, i was so getting used to vent my emotion on the internet. It wasn't good and i notice it and still on my way to get rid of it . Sometimes i will just pick a chatbox of someone and vent it there. This sounds very silly and childish but it really helps sometimes.

My emotion quotient is real low . EQ at work is high , but when i am not working on something, i am so dead. I am 'dangerous'. Over the years, i know this has been improved but still not good enough. When i am forced for something in a hard way ,i will get down again. The difference between now and before is the matter of time - how soon i can pick myself up again :(

It was many many months during secondary school , 1 year+ for an incident which haunts me so much and 20days now

I hope i can be okay . I know i am on my way. It's alright to trip a little.

#just a post for thoughts sharing :)

Brain vs Heart

心灰意冷 best describes my feeling now .

You know the feeling that when you met someone and got together happily

you would want it to be the last one

I really had this feeling for him before.

Then i got into it like seriously,

which in the end what i got was just a word 'Naive"

Some people use brain to pick a lover

not feeling

too rational is the word when my friends talked about him

what makes me feeling disappointed the most is

People will only love your sunny side . Like , seriously . Who will really love you for who you are ? How many percent of the population will stay by if you have huge problem or some illness ?

You struggled to be honest and then ?

They love your perfect sides

They don't like you giving them negative feelings like anger , sadness or bitter gourd face

I knew this long ago.

I just didn't expect he is one of them.

True love

I hope one day..

i can meet a person who can accept me for who i am

No need explanation , no need anything

Even if i turn ugly

Even if i have intolerable disease

Even if i am becoming so old and fat

just love me enough.

and hold my hand to pass through the storm

:)

sadness

I have failed my exam P as expected
The paper is a lot more easier than practice but i still did not know how to do
There were few parts i wasn't sure about and the exam question were mostly about that
(Why oh why .. )
Khaarmen's paper didn't have that few 'parts ' !
Suey oh suey...suey....

It's the first time in my life to fail my exam haha
Everyday i say fail , i really think that i will fail but by a fluke, i always get a better grade than just pass
This time i really failed ..mixed feeling ><
But i wasn't sad ..because i knew it
I was real down after the exam because..
He's not longer here to cheer me whenever i am down

Recalling the last time i thought that i was going to fail ..( which in the end i didn't..)
i was so so down
He brought me to eat my favourie pan mee
He doesn't waste money on expensive food one but he brought me for sweethut
Everything everything just to cheer me
In the end he got back my smile

On the way home , i dropped by KLCC
I am finally free from exam to feel this bittersweet
I passed by the place we first hold hand
the place we makan
the place we had birthday together and stuff
I smiled

and i felt so sad.


Then now i know
True feelings don't go away by a snap
they were merely up to us to suppress it
and forget it

Not thinking about it for sometime
and memories slowly fade..
it's always up to us on what to do

He didn't provide me a choice .

"好马不吃回头草" (hao ma bu chi hui tou cao) is a Chinese proverb that literally translates to "a good horse never eats the grass that is has passed" OR "a good horse never turns back on its trodden path to eat grass there". There are many interpretations of this proverb, with applications ranging from relationships, marriage to even business. 

But this philosophy put in very Singaporean terms goes "When you first eat a durian and if it tastes darn good, it doesnt mean that going back to the same stall to buy the same brand of durian from the same plantation will give you that same taste." This applies to everything. Including mee rebus, char kway teow. Or cupcakes. Or gong-cha or an overseas trip- "It just isnt as good as when I first came here".

If one decides to turn back (return to) to a former workplace, a former team/clan/guild/school, a former relationship/friendship etc, expecting that same sense of espirit-de-corp, love, friendship, excitement, seeking that same earth-shaking feeling of belonging and sense of purpose, one will be very very disappointed. A good horse never turns back. The grass that once has gone, will never be the same.

So- the "stars are aligned" only for a moment. The right people with the right values, with the right skills, with the right personalities, will be present at the right time, at the right place to create the right outcome. Cherish them all, because the stars, move.


Copied from facebook , Cousin Ben 's status 

:))

一月九日    我问你怎么了 哪里痛 你不回答
一月十日    你走了  你在棺材里 好像就在睡觉 你好久没睡这么好了吧
一月十一日  大家都到齐了 我看着你  你还是在睡觉  很多你不认识的人来看你了
一月十二日  我的阿麽你怎么只剩下一推骨灰


你从七十多岁就告诉我你要死了 八十多岁的你  真的离开了
大人的事 做小辈的不想理
我知道你是真的对孙子们不错好
那应该就够了。
谢谢你

人死后 就剩下carbon 什么都没有了
凡是要看的开

对你唯一的遗憾就是在你临走前
对你不怎么样
一个月前还发过你脾气
喂你的时候也会毛躁

对不起。
真的..没有下次了。

hey you

Chapter.

People come and go.They may leave your part of world , or leave for real to a better place. i don't know when did i started to take it easy .

I don't like people to leave me just like that . I DON'T LIKE IT . But..i have learnt how to accept.

Life goes on .

jan 10

You're in a better place now , ah ma .

Rest in peace .

My new year resolutions

Best resolutions ever.

Be miserable. Or motivate yourself. Whatever has to be done, it's always your choice. 
-Wayne Dyer

Expectation

Even if you have a thousand of friends and uncountable happiness with you

you still feel empty somehow

This is exactly what i am feeling right now.

I was so used to sharing happiness with the one until i have forgotten

who did i share my happiness with before him?

Finally my effort was paid off , i have forgotten about him

be busy , be fun , be lazy

No more feeling left but it just feels..

So empty.

You know you can be happier when you least expect things

Taking the example of LEGOland

the whole world is saying that it is for kids and sucks big time

therefore i expect nothing

it turns out that i have tonnes of fun that day

while others were expecting it to be very good

Don't you think the same concept applies to almost everything?

you don't aim an A+ and you are happy when you get A

Why did i always overlook this tiny little thing?

I found this online:

The smallest thing can change your life in the blink of an eye. Something happens by chance when you least expect it.  It sets you on a course where you never planned; into a future you never imagined. Where will it take you? Thats the journey of our lives, but sometimes finding the light means you must pass through the deepest darkness; at least thats how it was for me.

 Why did i expect so much 

Why did you expect so much

Expectation kills.

another day

Another day at home.

Plain.

Me has two types of stress

Emotional stress - when i eat nothing for days

Exam stress - when i eat everything anytime

Extreme !seems like emotional stress is so good for my diet plan. 

:(

i have been procrastinating too much.

Study timeline was screwed

biological clock was messed up too.

Final result is releasing soon. I know i didn't do well for the last part of both subjects

Haih. whatever.

Love

True love never dies ,

i haven't met one yet

:))

Rubbish post

Weird +ugly picture

I am wasting time i am wasting time

I am wasting wasting wasting time

time is money

internet data is money

exam fee is money

i am wasting money money money moneyyy

Right.

tata

.___.

#Every time when i blog about my thoughts, i feel like as if i am raped by people. Hmmm.

Phone book

I am not perfect but

"No one is perfect' should not be an excuse for my imperfections

I had attitude problems

I was spoilt at home , seriously

Mom told me the same thing 

When i go out , don't be a princess anymore

they don't have to go along with what you want

Referring to the previous post about

"Emo and childish"

I might be very childish before

But it was many years ago

I met people , i see things, i have changed

Not in 360 degrees but i am improving

Only the besties feel that changes

temper was improving and stuff

However

Others were following their first impression of me

A tells B , B tells C

this is how all of these followed me

what more i know many people

The worst of all is

these people who point their fingers at me , barely know me

might even talk less than 5 times with me

what they know about me is what they hear from people

or they might not even meet me before !

that's why i got frustrated

In UTAR,

at least all of these did not follow me

I started new here

people know the new me

Maybe the 'emo' thingy was still haunting me due to FACEBOOK

but uhm

at least things get better.

i am not telling you that i am great

in fact , i suck big time

i have so so so many flaws to change

laziness and stuff

arhhhhhhhhh.

anyway

i am telling you that

When you allow prejudice to blind your eyes, you can never see changes

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Recalling the secondary school time when all of us were texting each other everyday

Talking craps , gossips and lovey-dovey with crushes

When i received a text from my crush , i went over the moon

Kinda miss that time. 

:(

oh what i did some meaningful stuff today 

and i used smses. :)

i was lying on my bed and got so bored and started thinking is there anyone i need to say sorry or any friendship that i can fix 

1. I said sorry to a friend who i wei2 nan2 before for my own relationship problem . Not forgetting a 'thank you' for his help .
2. I said sorry to Michelle Tiffany Ng because i ranted at her when i got too sad. Oh wait , it was a funny sorry message hahaha and she accepted it funnily too >__<
3. I text-ed a friend who i think that he is a liar and jerk and resembled a bastard and so ego and we fought and attacked each other but uh i texted him to ask for peace. But in the message i think i did lecture him a little too because what he did was... >_< . hahaha

And michelle asked me to turn her photo but i am lazy

so yeah.....Tadah !! nicer one. Sally's cracked iphone...the one and only effect in the world !! Don't pray pray

I know i suck at expressing myself

the closer the people with me , the harder for me to express gratitude or love

so

damn la.

You know i love you

*gooosebumps*

Emo and Childish

Since it's a new year , i think there is a need for me to clarify these
i think i did clarify it gazillion years ago for once.

Emo and Childish

These have been following me since secondary school
i didn't mind it at all because i have my own notion about these
And i know under some circumstances , these claiming fingers are not true.
but uhmm..time to stop , if you can.

1. Emo

"emo liao emo liao''
this is merely a few words i always say
just like people saying 'walao eh...wapiang eh" etc
It doesn't mean that i am emo !
Some friends already knew that they are just words
more to like 'pout' and 'sulk'
If saying it always is equal to" i am emo" , then right
Don't ever say CB, fucker , bitch, bastard , because you are one .

By the way, real definition of emo is

Emo is a style of rock music characterized by melodic musicianship and expressive, often confessional lyrics.

But uhm according to urban dictionary which are more or less rubbish..it can be about people wearing black at all time , listen to musics , don't mingle around , killing themselves and stuff like this. 

AM I ? 

However , now people has their own definition of 'emo'

Emo = Emotional

And according to Cambridge dictionary.. emotional means ,

having and expressing strong feelings

Most importantly, i only feel sad when something happened
in your whole life , your route is so smooth until no small stones to trip you ?
you have never felt sad before ?
you express your sadness - you cry - you emo meh?

i feel sad when i don't get good result - but i didn't tell you a shit .

I feel sad when my family has problem - you know a thing?

I feel sad when i break up - yes this..you should know..

But did i express the 'sadness' to you?

Did i cry every now and then ?

Now , tell me

why am i emo ?

2. Childish

I like cartoons , i am childish.

I like kiddy stuff, i am childish.

I have kid's voice , i am childish.

Cambridge Dictionary time again ,

If an adult is childish, they behave badly in a way that would be expected of a child

like how ?

i snatched your notebook because you didn't give me ?

i sat on the floor crying because you picked a movie i didn't like ?

you ate my food and i cried 3 days?

okay Examples are too extreme. Haha.

I do not want to deny that i am childish.

I am 20 . i am still growing. 

I still have a lot to learn from 

i am unable to think 360 degrees from every perspective

you can't label me because something slips out my mind.

People always say that i am childish, WHEN?

when i don't have the same opinions with you .

You think A is good whereas i think B is .

Then you asked me , why am i so childish.

When i cry when i feel sad

You think that i cried because i was unable to get a cup of hot chocolate?lol

without finding out the real reason behind ? ><

When i fought for my rights , respects

I am childish

I am a girl . Sometimes i throw tantrums. You don't have any tantrums at all?

you are real good then. haha.

when i throw tantrums. I am childish.

Being true is childish because...

My every emotion , is childish.

=__=

oh and my 'just saying' is childish because people think that i meant it

you tell me how then ?

I still don't get why am i childish to you

it's like every incident for you is telling you that i am childish

but i feel typing this post out to clarify myself is really a childish act .

To me , childish is 

1. when you beg your parents for luxury unneeded stuff when they are not wealthy. But yeah if they are , wokie la.
2. when your family is having problem , you add more problems.
3. when you post on facebook humiliating someone / being mean to people ( in words etc)
4. when you keep grumbling about problems but never ever think about solutions. When people offer you solutions, you do nothing

anyway , if you think somehow this is right

do me a favour

Just shut up

:DDD

不要忘了爱自己

就算努力忙着

忙着读书 忙着玩闹

心里那块遗憾 总会没有预警地刺痛着

然后很难快乐

哭 是因为想念与不甘

笑  是因为看开了  懂了

好朋友是对的

我只是不肯认输

可是 人生中 总得输一次

输输赢赢  很正常

其实当天  我对他真的很失望

也在和sally说我要跟他分

可是为什么分的时候

还是会痛

我还痛很久

平时不敢伤心 只是因为我知道自己如果太生气或太难过

就会变成大怪兽

没有理智  不能冷静

可是因为在乎  所以很容易哭

平时很难哭的我   一直哭

唯一的遗憾 

就是每天努力不让自己太伤心的我 

让自己伤心了

每个人都有缺点

我知道我的在哪里

如果真的要道歉

我只能像自己说声对不起

因为我不够爱自己

1.1.2013

#true story 

I went for jogging with Irene today uhmm

It has been a year since our last met?

Saw a lot of dogs on the way haha.

cute dieeeee.

1.1.2013

this afternoon , i stupidly went and restored friendship with someone but uhm

he hung up my phone call immediately and blocked that number right after

said one thing , did another thing

words weren't sincere at allllll.

seriously, it doesn't feel good when a good will is trampled 

i was angry, of course

so so so so furious that i ranted at michelle again

(LOL)

*sigh*

Don't be too good to people who failed you

There is a big chance that they wouldn't appreciate a shit

first lesson of 2013 

:((

Xiao dou's birthday today !
mommy cooked a drumstick for him
i sang birthday song for him ><
hahahaha

and my dad bought secret recipe cakes !

(don't worry, the cakes are for the family >< )

oh and..

another funny lesson. haha

don't ever say ''concern a  bit la...." to michelle tiff

this is what you get

>__<

i suck at expressing myself
and never failed to create misunderstanding T_T

It's nice to have friends who understand you

and accept you for who you are

:D

95% sure that i will fail P manual how ar 

=.=