rant

One of the therapies is ... keeping a journal.
Writing the feelings down.
I've opened the blogger from time to time... and find that i'm unable to write anything.


When i was in the office and just scanning the card to get to the washroom,
i found myself in tears, i felt life is meaningless.

When i was trying to focus at the work, i found myself in tears,
looking the screen and was in tears, i don't know what's wrong.

When the collegue was asking me for a stapler, it came back to me that my stapler bullet was from him many years ago.

When my friend texted me to ask me if i know any florist as he's getting flowers for valentine's,
it gets back to me that few years back, when i was selling flowers and asked him if he would like to buy in the car.

Even if i'm looking at the cny advertisement, i was thinking that this feb 13, i wouldn't have bak gua and beers for movie with him again.

and that,
despite what others might think of, i really felt his true heart when we were together
he could be himself when he was with me, sohai, talk rubbish, do strange thing with music and still not forget to care for me.
Not forget to send me home
Not forget to look through my eyes before he kissed goodbyes, that i always felt shy when he looked at me that way.


I knew he was serious about me.
I couldn't explain anything.

i'm hurt. just hurt.


I still can recall that he will always be there for me
now i'm sick.

where are you my dear?