oh Sunny !

Hello everyone !
My mood is started to recover bit by bit
Wandering lifeless on the internet and i believe that i got some hints
I was once hurt and i reacted off-edge when similar hurt was coming
Please don't blame me for being such a bitch
Everyone has a way to protect himself
Just that i build my firewall like a porcupine

i am here by my own.

back to my hints

i actually read the book by Randy Pausch and i don't remember this line. Haha awkward*
okay this is something i found on facebook
You may find me weird for feeling touched for the simplest thing and keep on thanking people for things they have done for me - big or small, easy or difficult .
This is because i appreciate them..so much
Sometimes i would say I love you to my bitches
( not to my boy bestie as..buddy don't speak like that right lol)

I wanna score good for all my tests
i wanna be a good one
i would never want to be blinded by love or hatred anymore

I think of them at all time - i did none
i can't make myself to study
i am bad when i am angry
i am always blinded and this time ..it was about hatred and anger.

okay i don't know what is that book in the picha..
just read the line ' how can i free myself from guilt?"
I feel guilty because i hurt people back when they hurt me - just to get even
sometimes i don't only get even , i get double, triple...i give them 10times of torment
All because i am angry - i don't wanna become a person like that
Normally i let things go and go with the flow
but when someone lies to me ...i am not weiwei anymore
i am a devil , a bitch , a fucking idiot who wants to release the fire
i am not a saint - i know the way of revenge - and my way of revenge brings storm , trust me
it could only cause losses of the person i hate
i have them in mind but i did none - i don't harm people - at least..not yet.
but whenever i hurt someone..i have this guilt - i wanna say sorry
but i know i would never say it

i know how to read chinese but i read real little in my life - most of my books are in english
anyway, i read one of the chinese books before titled 'live in the moment'
the present moment is always now
few minutes ago you were upset - it has passed
few days ago you were hurt - it was gone
i always have this example in mind ..

" try to put few tablespoons of salt into a glass of water. taste it. SALTY, very salty, right?

  try to put the same amount of salt into a lake. taste it . Still salty?

if your heart is as big as a lake , no matter how much of salt was put in, you are still as calm.."

it was your brain playing trick with you to make you remember all the pain...
Queen's pasts - my blog title actually means it
whatever i blog - good or bad - they are gone for good

i shall admit that i sound like a kid whenever i am furious

i will be more demanding than i already am

all of these are to test if i am important

sometimes i would make a deal or a condition

to see if the fella agree or not

once he is agree , i will hold no more grudges for him

sometimes i just wanna see if he is trying to save

i know it is not good to test people..

but if i don't test people i doubted..

i will be hurt more.

in fact , very little people survived the test.

this is the reason i have many friends but only a few besties.

Lesson learnt 

Some people are only there for you when they need you - not when you need them

if they are your good friends , you know how does it feel

some people may have just accepted whatever they get

i don't. i will destroyed everything once i feel like i am used

I know this is bad  - but this is also the best way to severe all ties

once upon a time , i was a girl who accepts apology 

As a big girl now , i know action speaks louder than words.

i need to look out for myself.

for,while,do,while!

今天心情很差  考试考得不好
昨天和今天花了很多时间在它的上面 却死在小小的pattern上
我很难过 真的很难过
本来就约好spencer和kangaroo去吃饭的
尽管很不想吃 我还是吃了creme brulee cheese cake 和 chicken gordon bleu
结果我只吃了brulee 和fries , 剩的只吃一点
刚考完试的我  在车上真的要流泪了
每天last minute读书的我  不做功课的我 懒惰靠小聪明的我
这次碰了钉  跌倒了


虽然很早以前就吵 答应教我programming的那位先生教我loop
最近他非常的重色轻友  我还满难过的
好像好朋友被人抢走了一样

可是 考不好  不会做  是自己的错

太久每回家  少了个朋友疼   我脾气变更怪了
不是下大雪不说话不吃饭  就是大风暴


来blog blog 我最近有什么好玩的。。

switch回英文  不然我会打到明天 。。

i forgot the reason of being so down the other day

Spencer and kangaroo appeared in my house to my surprise just to get me out of the room,

then we had this !

i was really touched..

I was really loud on web for Mcd

The minimum order is RM18 for delivery now

The friend who always brought me for mcd doesn't want me anymore and i resorted to ..

simply order just to get to the minimum

Spencer appeared to my house to my surprise again !

With my fillet o fish regular set..

touched right....

but then i have double to settle :S

Banana won RM200 from competition and used RM100 to belanja all of us

this was awesome !

it had been sometime since my last tangshifu :)

we had 15% discount because someone they know worked there :)

and..had fun taking pic with lyheng lol.

lastly...

me being me 

teehee. oh and i bought a top from cotton on :)

hmmm i went to sing k with ninja after class..

RM9+ per hour with room + food ,

cheap right..

Went to Sri Rampai pasar malam for the first time..

went to gym also..

I am broke and had nothing to eat last week and kangaroo cooked for me !

had nice cake with ee xuen..

My friend came specially to bring me to mc cafe but uh..they closed on 12am and we went there late.

i got chatime instead..

Yesterday..

i had it !

FINALLY !

stayed there until 2am ++ with a new programming tutor ! 

thanks him so much !!

but..i still didn't do well for the exam.

oh my god.

i was trying to blog about some happy thing to overcome the sadness and..

here is it again

oh loop? 

=_=

I wish to be happy . I am happy. Sometimes..not so.

I wish the smiling me is the happy me.

Turning on a song and realizing yourself is a wreck is not very delighting.
Like the old movies filming the flashback of a dying person , i had it just now.
Tonnes of memoirs that i thought i have forgotten for long surged into my brain, congested it ,
then i got myself suffocated with sadness.

I actually cried thrice. This is so stupid .

Yeah i am still having the recollection two years ago .
Memoirs...they become so vivid when your sight is so vague with tears.
Then, thinking of whom i am becoming now,
i am so dead.

or i shall be surprised.....
that i still have feelings

Some people say that  i am poker as they can't know what i am feeling.
Some people say that i am too unpredictable.
Some people say that i am too hard to understand.

I would say that i am a RUBBISH .


Yes this is an emo entry. .

Another week...."Poof !"

yeah this is my weekend !

Yo !

I am crazily having two tests each week ( still continue =_= ) and i was kinda sad because i spent my friday night on books !

Yeahhh french was on Saturday. You can't imagine how sad it is !

Il y a une boulangerie française ! 

let the photos tell the story :) 

Chocolate merry go round !

i saw "Blanc" and "Noir" , which means white and black in french !

*was learning color before going there lol

I WANT THIS ON NOVEMBER 5TH ! anyone? :(

when these two guys met coincidentally, they talked non-stop !

From talking in the shop to outside, until the gate closes !

*purposely a blur picha, guess who are them lol

Earlier of the day i was having lunch at Prima setapak

We had some desserts after lunch too !

This is mine ! nice but i couldn't finish :(

cacat look of mine ! yay !
=_=

Hmmmm on the first day showing of the dark knight rises ...

I went for it !!

We had dinner in delifrance :)

I don't know why am i always looking so cacat ! ;(

Oh about french class..

it was funny again

He was teaching us how to pronounce the word "Brun"

We pronounced it kinda like 'Bra"

He went 'Oh my god"

then there was someone who asked him what is bra in french

he wrote on the whiteboard half way and stopped, saying he didn't wanna teach !

Because it means 'lift up your......" ,he paused lol.

then got people asked what, he pek cek and said, 

" Nen nen la !! "

class rep continued, what's 'nen nen' ? lol..

" you lift up your shirt, there are two raisins there, they are called nen nen"

lol....

ok, ciaoz !