Hello everyone !
My mood is started to recover bit by bit
Wandering lifeless on the internet and i believe that i got some hints
I was once hurt and i reacted off-edge when similar hurt was coming
Please don't blame me for being such a bitch
Everyone has a way to protect himself
Just that i build my firewall like a porcupine
i am here by my own.
back to my hints
i actually read the book by Randy Pausch and i don't remember this line. Haha awkward*
okay this is something i found on facebook
You may find me weird for feeling touched for the simplest thing and keep on thanking people for things they have done for me - big or small, easy or difficult .
This is because i appreciate them..so much
Sometimes i would say I love you to my bitches
( not to my boy bestie as..buddy don't speak like that right lol)
I wanna score good for all my tests
i wanna be a good one
i would never want to be blinded by love or hatred anymore
I think of them at all time - i did none
i can't make myself to study
i am bad when i am angry
i am always blinded and this time ..it was about hatred and anger.
okay i don't know what is that book in the picha..
just read the line ' how can i free myself from guilt?"
I feel guilty because i hurt people back when they hurt me - just to get even
sometimes i don't only get even , i get double, triple...i give them 10times of torment
All because i am angry - i don't wanna become a person like that
Normally i let things go and go with the flow
but when someone lies to me ...i am not weiwei anymore
i am a devil , a bitch , a fucking idiot who wants to release the fire
i am not a saint - i know the way of revenge - and my way of revenge brings storm , trust me
it could only cause losses of the person i hate
i have them in mind but i did none - i don't harm people - at least..not yet.
but whenever i hurt someone..i have this guilt - i wanna say sorry
but i know i would never say it
i know how to read chinese but i read real little in my life - most of my books are in english
anyway, i read one of the chinese books before titled 'live in the moment'
the present moment is always now
few minutes ago you were upset - it has passed
few days ago you were hurt - it was gone
i always have this example in mind ..
" try to put few tablespoons of salt into a glass of water. taste it. SALTY, very salty, right?
try to put the same amount of salt into a lake. taste it . Still salty?
if your heart is as big as a lake , no matter how much of salt was put in, you are still as calm.."
it was your brain playing trick with you to make you remember all the pain...
Queen's pasts - my blog title actually means it
whatever i blog - good or bad - they are gone for good
i shall admit that i sound like a kid whenever i am furious
i will be more demanding than i already am
all of these are to test if i am important
sometimes i would make a deal or a condition
to see if the fella agree or not
once he is agree , i will hold no more grudges for him
sometimes i just wanna see if he is trying to save
i know it is not good to test people..
but if i don't test people i doubted..
i will be hurt more.
in fact , very little people survived the test.
this is the reason i have many friends but only a few besties.
Lesson learnt
Some people are only there for you when they need you - not when you need them
if they are your good friends , you know how does it feel
some people may have just accepted whatever they get
i don't. i will destroyed everything once i feel like i am used
I know this is bad - but this is also the best way to severe all ties
once upon a time , i was a girl who accepts apology
As a big girl now , i know action speaks louder than words.
i need to look out for myself.
